Mom
by PreciousDelight
Summary: Slightly AU for 'Home'. Rated K . What if it's not the poltergeist terrorizing the new inhabitants of that notorious house in Lawrence?


**Disclaimer: I don't anything from Supernatural. If I did, there probably wouldn't be much left of it …**

**Author's note: I suddenly got this idea. I asked a friend of mine to point at some random word in the English-Dutch dictionary and tell it to me. The word was 'primordial'. Then, she gave me another and I combined the two. The second word was 'profane'. This is what that combination brought on.**

**AU and spoilers for the episode Home.**

He'd promised himself he would never go back there, but he's standing there anyway, 22 years later, watching some goddamned spirit ruin the house in which this whole ordeal started. The house he was born into, the house Sammy was born into. The house where Mom died and where his apple-pie life – which he remembers richly enjoying - was turned into Hell.

He wanted to waltz in there and just kill the motherfucker off – but he couldn't. Because that spirit, the one that was wreaking havoc and chasing new owners out within record time, was his mother. And he couldn't get himself to go in there and see why she was still there. He couldn't even think about making her 'cross over' or whatever else some lame psychic would call it. Because somewhere deep down, he didn't want her to leave. He'd wanted his mother back for so long, that he couldn't bare to lose her all over again now. Even though he knew this couldn't keep going on. This hunt just hit a little too close to home.

"Are you alright, Dean?" Sam asked. Dean knew Sam knew it was a stupid question to ask, but the asking showed concern and compassion, and Dean knew that Sam knew it was just what Dean needed. So Dean just shook his head, not trusting his voice to stay steady with the actual words. He drew a hand over his tired face, and made up his mind. He couldn't go in there. He didn't trust himself enough. He wouldn't be able to stay professional because it just hit too close to home.

"I can't do it, Sam." He'd expected his voice to sound a little weird with overwhelming emotion, but he could barely even recognize it when it came out. He sounded like a broken and lonely man, who had to deal with more than he could handle. Come to think of it, that was exactly how he felt.

But he wasn't lonely. He had Sam, and they had Dad, even though he wasn't here and would probably stay gone for a Hell of a long time again when this was over. He didn't even have the decency or the heart to come and help them out on this. But Dean was sure Dad had something much more important to do than his the love of his life, who had died 22 years ago and was now acting like the very thing they hunted on a daily basis. Dean was sure there was something more important that was keeping their Dad.

But wasn't he supposed to save the innocent from anything supernatural that brought them harm? Wasn't he supposed to be the silent hero behind the scenes that saved the day, but let others take credit for it? Wasn't he supposed to be the hero, no one really knew because no one knew his name? Wasn't that the way his life had been after Mom had died? Didn't he owe her that much, to kill everything he could find that resembled the thing that killed her, and eventually the thing itself, too? He owed her that much.

So why couldn't he just go in there, and help her now, just like he was doing every day of his godforsaken life? From his point of view, he couldn't not help her now, and see her at her worst. He couldn't turn away and remember the happy side he'd seen of her every day for the first four years of his life. His memory wouldn't do her any justice, if he didn't help her now and saw the bad side of her he'd never seen before.

But didn't Dad say that spirits where nothing like the human they once were? That they died when they died and that the spirits that were haunting people or places were just leftover negative energy that needed to be disposed of? What if that was just the case? What if Mom wasn't Mom, wouldn't it be easier to finish this job then?

He'd just have to wait and see.


End file.
